A Grain Assault

I am dense and here's why.

Yesterday and the day before I read a whole article four times without realizing the pun in the leader of the Rhinoceros Party's name: Sa Tan.

There is no question about it. Or else the question is never related to what's going on in my head.

The Rhinoceros Party, the newly-reinstated Canadian political party, will be loading satiric ammunition for the next Federal election. The Rhino party, named for the dull-witted, slow-moving, yet flighty-in-the-face-of-danger animal it represents, was present at all levels of government in the 1980s, until the government passed a bill that required every party to pay $1000 for 50 candidates in 50 ridings. The rhinos couldn't afford it, and slipped off the political map. The bill has since been repealed as unconstitutional and so now they're back, with more promises to pave Manitoba to create the world's biggest parking lot and tear down the Rocky mountains so that Alberta can see the western sunset. But the party also promises not to keep any of its promises and, if elected, to dissolve the government immediately and call a new one.

The biggest incentive for becoming a rhino member who runs in the election is that you can make up your own promises, and create your own platform. I think I would start by banning the use of certain phrases such as "think outside the ***". The phrase bothers me so much that I can't even stand to write it. It's worse than a curse, and the slimy indifference with which it's used makes me want to claw my up the nearest asbestos pipe. As part of my platform I'm going to suggest positive reform, however, such as the counter-attack methods of saying "think inside the box" and defending your belief that this is actually the proper phrase.

In an unrelated twist of irony, I found myself looking "ignorant" up in the dictionary the other day. The word has become a catch-phrase for anyone wanting to connect with their hickish roots. I doubt anyone actually believes they are ignorant - but boy is it fun & fashionable to say so.

So maybe I'll call up Satan, and tell him I'm no longer ignorant and thinking inside the box, a reformed dense-case ready to condescend to real candidates who actually give a damn. Maybe I'll start making signs to unite Manitoba and Saskatchewan. Saskatchewan can be where people pay to park in Manitoba, ostensibly it will be the Albertans, the only ones with money and oil.