The workin gal

While perusing through *my brother's* contractual employment documents, I started daydreaming about other things, like how I would describe the interesting people I work with in future vignettes (my fancier, classier term for blog posts) when I came to section 3: confidentiality.

This post is NOT going to be what you think it's going to be. Unless you are psychic, in which case I'd like to hire you. Aside from the whole "is it ethical to break your contract by writing about it on your blog" I was more freaked out by the summary of the confidentiality chapter. It runs roughly so:

GENERAL
4.1 The agreement will continue to kick your ass even when you leave and are no longer working for this company.
4.2 The Employee realizes that the Employee is employed solely by the Employer and that this Agreement does not create a relationship of employment between the Employee and this company. (Sorry about the caps. Lawyer folk are all of wanna-be German heritage and capitalize their nouns. My theory on German capitalization = every word was defined at the beginning of each story, a preface which eventually became the dictionary!)
4.3 This Agreement will be governed by the laws of the province of British Columbia. (Recall I live in Saskatchewan).
4.4 Something something
4.5 BLAA
4.6 Don't friggin take this document unless someone gives it to you.
4.7 Time is of the essence
4.8 You are advised to seek legal advice before signing this Agreement.

Okay, I've paraphrased here, but 4.7 is exactly how it appeared between two two-line memos rife with capital letters. "Time is of the essence." What exactly is this trying to tell me? That I'm going to die someday and what the hell am I doing reading through most of the policy guide when I should be out seizing diems (is that a type of bird? Why do people always say that?) or making love or feeling more existential angst. 4.7 is making the point that time is always of the essence when it comes to shhhhhhhhh.

Also, why is my contract governed by the laws of British Columbia? According to the internet, that means I could get thrown in jail for killing a Saskwatch. That was invented before they had comprehensive laws for murder. Now it's illegal to kill anyone, including people from Saskatchewan.

I have no choice but to sign it, and try to vaguely conceal what I've done. I mean, what my brother did, what he totally did. I mean, I'm writing from his character, you see how I slipped into his character part way through? It's called skillful narration.