Notes from work

The complimentary bar during a 50th wedding anniversary - we are like a receiving line for people entering the ballroom - except their hands fly out not to be received warmly in mine but to clutch a freezing gin or caesar.

At the end of the speeches, the couple whose anniversary it is goes up to the mic. After the wife finishes thanking people the husband puts both arms on the podium and says, "I really have nothing to add that hasn't been said already. But I've been thinking of how we got here today. It was because fifty years ago, I pulled a boner."