Health is a funnel of gin in your ear

My roommate's girlfriend told me something tonight that changed my perspective on my favourite bar drink, the gin and tonic.

Think of it as the moment Marie-France used fireplace bellows and realized that the rips in the side created music: Voila, accordion.

Also pretend in this metaphor that the accordion can cure physical ailments... which I contend it can, but no one will ever let me finish the cure.

I'm just getting over a cold and my left ear is plugged, so everytime I blow my nose it feels as though I'm reaching 30,000 feet. That would make sense if I were drunk (1 drink = 5,000 ft). That's science. But I'm not drunk. And when sober I believe in science.

What my roommate's girlfriend told me was this. She had a friend who accidentally poured a gin and tonic in his ear when he had an ear infection.

Don't ask me how that works. Inner ear causes lack of balance, penchant for frat parties?

It cured him. So the next time he got an ear infection, he did it again.

Again, cured.

And not because he went into a coma and woke up five days later.

So I was prepared to go out tonight to the bar to test this theory. I feel an ear infection coming on. Maybe it's just my cold, but why in just one ear? I'd swagger up, show the bar man two fingers, and point to one ear. He would probably frown, thinking I'm deaf, and mouth "ten dollars." Then I would shoot back one drink, grab nearest friend/colleague, place my head on the table and say: Pour it in! For goodness sake! Do it!

But then my eyes began to lose focus, and I didn't want to hear the cure for that.