Diving from sea and sky

I was listening to a procrastination tape the other day, a tape that was supposed to help me overcome my aversion to starting and completing tasks. Ignoring the fact that it may as well have been sleepy-time hypnosis the way I reacted to it, I did retain one important part. The tape's speaker Brian S. Tracy assured me that he would procrastinate too if it weren't for his good habits. He follows 7 steps (which I retrieve now).

1)Make clear objectives
2)Write it down
3)Make a deadline
4)Write down all tasks needed for completion
5)Prioritize your tasks
6)Take action on your plan immediately
7)Do something every day

Now imagine that you're a 64-year-old retired French army parachutist. You've already taken 5000 jumps out of an airplane and frankly, it's getting a little old. But so are you. You need to take action if you're ever to achieve the goal you started thinking about 20 years ago - to jump out of an air balloon 25 miles up (5 times as high as Mount Everest), experience weightlessness, and break the sound barrier.

The parachutist, Michel Fournier, must have worked long and hard on his quest to see the curvature of the earth. In fact, he sold his house and most of his possessions. After step 3, I really think there should be a step called "Raise the Stakes." In other words, make the consequences of failing so dire that you have to continue on your mission. Fournier, check. One of his tasks included finding someplace to carry out his jump. After being barred from performing the experiment in France because of safety concerns (ex. From that high up, who knows where he'll land) he decided to come to less-densely-populated Saskatchewan to "eat his frog" as motivator Brian Tracy would say; the Frenchman is used to eating frogs it would seem.

The name of his experiment "Le Grant Saut" or The Great Leap, is reminiscent of the economic reform plan undertaken by China in the 50s. Mao had introduced the Great Leap Forward with the phrase "it is possible to accomplish any task whatsoever."

But like that plan, many things could go awry. If his suit malfunctions above 12 miles, his blood will likely boil.

Definiteness of purpose, the knowledge of what one wants, and the burning desire to achieve it: These, I hardly doubt Michel Fournier lacks.

But this morning, Fournier's plan stalled again. It wasn't procrastination that doomed it. His amniotic-sac-like balloon simply floated away before they could even get up in the air. According to Fournier's website, two hours later they found it in a field somewhere, learning their first lesson about the Saskatchewan prairie: it will fuck with you.

There are many unknowns: no one knows what happens when a person breaks the sound barrier in merely a suit. Also unknown: what the hell the sound barrier is. Anyone?

Fournier is brave, and possibly arrogant. But at least he has guts.

After this weekend, I'm convinced I have no guts whatsoever. Sunday I went tubing in river rapids with no education and a life jacket that looked like it had been salvaged from the Titanic. The expression "baptism by fire" would apply if it hadn't been so wet and cold.

While Fournier assembled his 40 person team near North Battleford for jump preparations, I assembled my sanity in the back of a beat-up camp bus hauling tractor tubes on the highway along Esopus Creek, NY. The tube-company owner and operator was a beefy bald man with a NY accent who wore a baseball cap that squeezed the back of his bald head. As I remembered them afterwards, his instructions went something like this:

"OK, so when you get in the water you're going to want to get onto the right side, otherwise you'll get stuck, then stay on the right, but go to he left after about a mile, then to the right again, at the bridge stay to the left, then just enjoy yourself, get out about a mile before the second bridge where it says OUT, oh, but watch out for the huge drop at the beginning, if you survive that, you'll survive anything."

I really need to work on my memory. Tube rental guy didn't get out of the bus, just said bye in that growly voice of his, and probably thought to himself good riddance, squeamish kids. On the embankment, we pushed off shore like a bunch of hatchlings leaving the nest for the first time. About half our group got stuck on tree branches.

Oh, what's that Brian? A major reason for procrastination and lack of motivation is vagueness, confusion, and fuzzy-mindedness about what you are supposed to do, in what order, and for what reason?

Guess what, Brian, procrastination doesn't work on a river. There's something in the water that makes it flow in one direction, usually towards rocks.

My shrieks were exaggerated and cartoonish as though I were rehearsing for some Disney voice-over. I was never sure whether other people were smiling and laughing at me because of my bad luck for getting stuck on top of rocks in the middle of the river or because of my penchant for Goofy hiccup-wails.

And it wasn't funny when fishermen on shore would yell "I'm gonna catch ya!" as I spun by.

It concerned me that there were fish in this river, the water being only about two to three feet deep. The shallow water didn't mean I could just stand up and walk to shore, but it did mean that the rocks and whatever the hell kind of fish lived in the river could easily bump against the wooden seat of my inner tube and/or against my dangling legs.

We eventually saw two bridges, and the rock with OUT painted in white spray paint. Two people were on the shore, and about a dozen had overshot the landing. Having made it to shore, we tried to remember whether the tube man had given us directions about what to do now. He hadn't so we started walking. A woman watering her patio plants yelled congratulations, and told us we were brave for tubing on Memorial Day weekend. The irony of Memorial Day commemorating much braver souls than we aside, it was nice to feel as though we were adventurous.

We did the river a second time, and this time we were the only two on the river. I was tired of avoiding the rapids all the time and confident about not tipping, so this time I simply headed towards the rocks, wrapped my legs around them and spun away. It was like an awkward video game, one where your hands are zapped with icey water every time you want to steer. Dave fell out of his tube which freaked out me more than him, I think. I was busy making Goofy sounds and kicking up my legs with the rapids and letting the current carry me backwards.

Go Michel Fournier!

Michel's homepage with frequent updates

NY Times Article about Michel's jump (login required, but free)